


Jumping through the hoops

by Torpi



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:55:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28245783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Torpi/pseuds/Torpi
Summary: Peaceful AU. Then Feanor develops a ground-breaking VR game and convinces his family and friends to try it. Unsurprisingly, things get back on the track we know:  the Feanorians create (un)intentional havoc and new inventions indiscriminately, Finrod is bad at disguises, Maedhros loses a hand, Fingolfin and his team mates have the game locked on the hardest setting from the get-go, Fingon gets all the freebies and Maedhros is constantly attacked by Feanor’s rival hacker Melkor.
Kudos: 7





	Jumping through the hoops

**Author's Note:**

> This fic exists because of greenapplefreak's amazing art, `wanted`, with the seven brothers having their mug shots taken. There are so many details there, that discussing them would make for a whole fic; this was something inspired by a `what-happened-next`, and `how-did-they-even-get-there`, type of situation.
> 
> This particular style is an experiment. I hope I managed to get across some of the chaotic energy the original work, Wanted, has.

<https://www.deviantart.com/greenapplefreak/art/wanted-666211093> \- the link to the original work.

`Why are we running again?`

``…`

`I’ll tell you. Because you are an _idiot-`_

`Will you shut up for a second? You’ll alert the guards`.

 _`I_ ’' ll alert the guards? Who was it that _alerted_ the guards oh, I don’t know, some fifteen bloody seconds ago?`

`Language, _ton’ya_ `.

`Remind me again how you did it. Oh, yes, you stopped _to admire the paneling_!`

`I wanted to see if we’re pursued!`

`No, you started admiring yourself and composing an epic poem on the spot! Are you crazy? What part of **stealth** you don’t get? I thought you went through basic linguistics training`.

`I got through more than basic linguistics training`.

`And yet you still do stupid shit like this. Stop looking back, you idiot. They don’t care how your hair whips ‘ _like the majestic turn of a Bird of Aman’s glossy feathers tail’s_ ’.

`I was _not_ doing it for the pursuer’s visuals! I was trying to see how they look like. I need to be able to describe them`.

`In your next few verses? They’ll be able to describe **us** and more if you don’t stop it. Jump!`

* * *

`Hey, Tyelko, Káno, how’s it going? Managed to take the documents?`

`I see you escaped the cells as well, Ambarussa`.

`We were actually going to be let off with a warning. Were supposed to only sign some documents…Buuut since you all broke out we did too`.

` ** _Why_**?`

`Sounded more fun. Also got a contract with a fashion magazine. You too, Tyelko, if you’re interested. We look good aligned like that`.

`Like _what_?`

`They made a poster. Here, I’ll send it to you`.

`Gahh, stop taking my visuals! Huh, I _do_ look good`.

‘Káno, stop singing your progress in full tenor. _Everybody_ can hear you. And I mean **everybody** `.

`THAT DOESN’T MEAN IT’S ALRIGHT TO CHANGE TO BARITONE!`

`Nice harmony, there, Tyelko`.

`Ambarussa, if you think your **hair** is going to survive this day you are very, _very_ delusional`.

`Sorry, bro! Catch, we need to split`.

`The files?`

`The files. Cya!`

`That’s a dead end!`

`….Thank you for alerting everybody in half a kilometer radius of that. I think the walls haven’t quite cracked. Leave them, they’ll manage. We need to turn left. And if I hear you singing what you do **_again_** , I’ll stuff your hair in your mouth and let you choke on it…..Why did you stop running?`

`My collar was dropping!`

`WH-`

`Look who’s here. What are you doing, Carnistir?`

`I have to finish a project. Deadline’s in a couple hours`.

`Are you drafting diplomatic documents while running from the police?`

`Technically it’s the anti-terrorism troops`.

`Well, _technically_ you shouldn’t be drafting trade agreements while being pursued by that country’s officials`.

`It’s alright, they won’t think we are the same person`.

`Did you take lessons from Findaráto? Changing clothes is NOT a proper disguise`.

`As if you with your silver hair are inconspicuous`.

`I **can** be inconspicuous if I want to. I’m just trying to draw attention to me to help you, stupid pups`.

`Where are the others, anyway?`

`Curufinwë is doing some stuff with the programming, making some adjustments, Tyelpe was with him the last time I saw him….`

`In the holding cells?`

`In the holding cells. They also got some fancy take-out so they’re good`.

` _Actually_ , we’re in the computer room right now. Holding cells didn’t have the proper equipment`.

`Now only Maitimo needs to share his location`.

`Maitomo, do you copy?`

`Wow, hey, um…guys…`

`Findekáno? What are you doing on Maitimo’s channel?`

`Well…he got stuck in a bathroom`.

`He.What?`

`Careful, Tyelko, don’t stumble`.

`….He lost an arm`.

`He WHAT?`

`Nice unison there, you six. Umm he said it’s more realistic this way…`

`We’re in VR, how-`

` _Did **you** cut his hand_?`

`Yeah well…so Tyelpe wrote him a temporary code for his right hand. It’s…gold`.

`Not silver?`

`My son is not defined by silver`.

`And how are you, Curufinwë? Finally joining the chat?`

`Hacked into the main frame, sent all documents to Maitimo. We have all info we need. We cleared this task`.

`We need to keep those files from getting into cousin’s hands. Or Thingol’s`.

What are **you** doing then, Curufinwë?`

`I’m doing some project with Atar`.

`Did he hack the main frame?`

`Of course, we have control in the main room. We’re building a new project. The equipment is really good here`.

`Is Ata really here or…`

`He just hijacked the machines. The main body is still home`.

`Even as an AI, your dad really does hold a grudge!`

`Finno! How are you? Why are you here?`

`Got roped into it. I’m in the lower levels now….could do with some help…Tyelko, could you help me? I let you crash at my place too many times, don’t you feel any responsibility?`

`You let Curufinwë crash at your place as well! _Everybody_ crashes at your place. Not my problem!`

`Curufinwë? Cousin?’

`I can’t leave my son unsupervised`.

`Tyelko….`

`WAIT....I forgot something. Where is Huan? Curufinwë, do you know?`

`Lúthien took him. Take care, she got really attached. Might change sides`.

`What? I’m goong after her. Curufinwë, guide me. Actually, come with me.

`I should not leave my son...`

`Curufinwë Fëanorian!`

`Ok, ok, Let’s meet. Weren’t you the one touting your hunter supremacy to the boys earlier?`

`I need a good backup. Lúthien’s crazy strong`.

`Yeah, she won that freestyle fighting competition, didn’t she?`

` **And** she has a great voice. That judge even father couldn’t sway, cried at her song`.

`Do I detect jealosy, Káno?`

`...Why did you stop singing?`

`@Káno2 here, what was with that silence? Even the pursuers froze, it was that ominous`.

`Hey @Káno2, where are you? Deserted from the legal side?`

`Just helping a friend, Finno. He’s stuck in a heavy security bathroom`.

_`What?`_

`Glitch`.

`Hey, Maitimo, what happened?`

`Got attacked. Com was cut off. Only had limited info`.

 _Your father has an appointment at the psychologist in 3 min and 45 seconds_.

`What? Manwe? With you?`

_With Olórin, our best counselor._

`Why would he?`

.....

_He should be there! Also, Maitimo is next. His...actions in game proved he has some mental instability likely inherited from your very intelligent father._

`Are you trying to sugarcoat it with those words? And what exactly did he do? He got awards as Excellent Leader, Most Popular Player, Most Caring Family Member, the Person You’d be Rather Be Stuck with on a Deserted Island, and Most Skilled Combatant. AND he gets all the crappy attacks from @morgoth`.

_.... he should not be late._

`WHAT DID HE DO? Hello?!`

....

`Oh, come on!`

* * *

_Your father is four seconds late to his appointment. Tell him to log in._

` **You** tell him!`

_He blocked us. Get my message to him, will you? I’ll put in a good word with the judging panel. You’ll get smooth (lol), smoother sailing than you should deserve what with all these glitches. And-‘_

`Hey, Red-Face, come help us with your diplomatic skills. Have the coordinates. This place’s a maze. Still couldn’t find Lúthien`.

`Ugh, duty calls. See you around. Coming, useless hunter!`

`Don’t break a leg!`

`So... about your dad....`

`Not now, @Káno2....`

`.......`

`...What about him?`

`Well... it seems some subconscious thoughts are resurfacing here, during this game`.

`Are you implying he doesn’t like Maitimo?`

`NO! Nobody would make that mistake. But about the rest of us....`

`Stop beating around the bush and say it!`

`We got killed`.

`WHAT?`

`Tyelko? Curufinwe? _Carnistir_? **_How_**?`

`We got some of Lúthien’s avatars. She had part of the code; we got part of it. Wow, now that I see the real scape, we really are in a gouvernment building. I think we also robbed a bank earlier`.

`What are your coordinates?`

...... _bzzzt_..... _zzz_......

`Oh great, signal died. Stupid thing to make the game realistic for **all** of us`.

`Is this supposed to happen?`

`If you die in game? Yeah. Finno, are you still in the lower levels? Sorry for ignoring your calls for a while, we got distracted with some stuff. You alright?`

`Got....terro....Wolf.... _scrrrrt_. _bzzzzzzz_

`Think Wolf got him?`

`That guy had it out for him for a long time`.

`We’re dropping like flies, it’s getting ridiculous`.

`Tyelpe! He’s alone now. Quick, let’s see his stats`.

`Tyelpe became a friend with @owl? You idiot, don’t make random friends, they’re definitely the enemy!`

* * *

_@owl killed @tyelpe. @owl got Tyelpe’s stats._

`Of course it’s like that`.

* * *

_@Huan got adopted. @Huan got a happy home. @Huan is happy._

`Stop rubbing it in our faces, you **_bleep_** `.

‘Father put an automatic swear-words filter. He said even small kids should feel safe to play it`.

`Are you calling **_this_** safe for little kids?`

`Well, it doesn’t have curse words! And you learn a lot! Linguistic puzzles, programming, diplomacy, conflict solving, _teamwork_ `.

`You mean hacking, blackmail, ganging on the weaker player and hoarding? What about the violence?`

`What about it, Uncle Arafinwë?`

`.... never mind, I forgot whom I was asking`.

* * *

_@Ambarussar got drafted to photo shooting. @ambarussar changed profession. @ambarussar went to the real world. #toohottohandle_

* * *

`Oi! At least get killed or something!`

`Uncle Káno!`

`Hey, Tyelpe, where are you?`

`I’m right next to you!`

`Are you a ghost?`

`I’m in the real world! If you’d take out your headset you’d see me!`

`Is this a glitch?`

`Maybe, @owl was @wolf...as in, Morgoth”s assistant so he might have messed with headset vision as well`.

`Did he get your info?`

`No, I dumped it to a safe place. Mostly. He still cracked the field code`.

`Where?`

`Ummm... to ooour side of the family?`

`You got it to Elrond, didn’t you?`

`He is Maitimo’s _adopted_ son!`

`And yours!`

`In game, you idiot! This has stakes on reality. The rival company is totally trying to undermine this game. No, it’s not a game anymore! It’s WAR`.

`Calm down, Káno. I got info on our next step. Last piece of info is in our uncle’s hands`.

`Finally got through, Maitimo? Let’s do the last stretch together. No more partings. Which uncle?`

`Blonde one`.

`HEY!`

`So how are we supposed to take it? In game alliances have shifted, and-`

`Ooops, I died`.

`HOW? You were right next to me!`

`Yeah, but was your floor lava?`

`Are you serious?! That shit is so old`.

`Yeah, like Morgoth`.

`Guys.... the code is just lying there….I’m taking it`.

_Your father is late to his appointment_

YEEEET

`…did you just throw the last coding fragment into random cyberspace?`

`Did **you** just _yeet_?`

`I can’t believe it!`

`And you were so close!`

`Are you an idiot?`

`Are you stupid?`

_Do you need an appointment?_

`How?`

**_`Why_**?`

`So disappointing`.

`Yeah, I was composing a triumphal march to add to this scene`.

`It flopped`.

`Stop talking all of you! **I’** m the only one who got through all the game! So shut up!`

`You went through all the game and you basically drowned in the last two metres. Nay, last two milimetres...`

`Atya....`

`Curufinwë, stop dissing your brother. We’ll change the genres to tragedy and it’ll be even better. Thank you Makalaurë. You made this game a classic! Congratulations, everyone. Only building stuff and farming is boring. You need tragedy, you need battles, insurmountable odds, you need blood sweat and tears you need-.`.

_You are late to your appointment._

....bzzt.... line dead...

_Oh, come on!_


End file.
